CBT Explained: How It Helps You Feel More in Control
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a loop of unhelpful thoughts like “I always mess things up” or “they must think I’m an idiot”, you’re not alone.
These kinds of thoughts can feel automatic, convincing, and really hard to switch off. It can feel like being caught in a whirlpool, you know it’s pulling you in, but you don’t know how to swim out of it.
That’s where CBT, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, comes in.
What is CBT?
CBT is a type of talking therapy that helps you understand how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all linked. It’s not about thinking positively or forcing a silver lining.
It’s about becoming curious about your patterns, learning where they came from, and figuring out new ways to respond, in ways that feel more in line with how you want to live.
I offer CBT in Beckenham and online across the UK. Many of my clients find it helpful for things like anxiety, overthinking, self-doubt, or low self-esteem.
If you’re new to therapy, you can read more about what to expect in your first session here.
CBT’s Core Idea: The Thought–Feeling–Behaviour Loop
CBT is based on something called the cognitive triangle, its the idea that your:
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviours
...are all connected.
Here’s a simple example.
Situation: You send a message to a friend and they don’t reply.
Thought: “They’re ignoring me. I must’ve done something wrong.”
Feeling: Anxious, rejected.
Behaviour: You avoid messaging them again.
Compare that to someone else who thinks: “They’re probably just busy.” They feel fine and carry on with their day.
Same situation, totally different experience.
The difference lies in the thought and CBT helps you notice and work with those patterns.
What Happens in CBT?
You’ll work with a therapist to:
Spot unhelpful thought patterns — like catastrophising, mind-reading, or black-and-white thinking
Explore core beliefs — the deeper messages you’ve learned about yourself, like “I’m not good enough” or “I always have to please others”
Test how accurate or helpful your thoughts are
Experiment with new behaviours — such as setting boundaries or doing the thing you’ve been avoiding
Develop practical tools — like thought records, mood tracking, or grounding techniques for anxiety
It’s collaborative. You bring the experiences and I bring the tools, that way we can work together to find what fits.
If you’re exploring therapy for anxiety, you might also find this article on anxiety grounding techniques helpful.
CBT Isn’t Just in Your Head
While CBT focuses on how we think, it also looks at how our actions feed into the cycle.
Say you feel anxious about a social event, so you cancel last-minute. In the moment, that feels like relief, but long-term, it reinforces the message that “I can’t cope” or “That was dangerous,” so the anxiety sticks around.
In CBT, we look at these patterns gently, never forcing, always at your pace, and explore what it might feel like to do something different, even just a small step.
Where Did CBT Come From?
CBT has been around since the 1960s. It started as a treatment for depression and has since been widely researched and adapted to help with:
Anxiety and panic attacks
OCD and intrusive thoughts
Health anxiety
Low mood and depression
Stress and burnout
Perfectionism
Self-esteem and imposter syndrome
It’s also one of the main therapies recommended by the NHS and widely used in online CBT across the UK.
If you’re unsure about working online, you can read more about whether online therapy might be right for you here.
Do I Have to Stick to Just CBT?
Not at all.
At Roles We Play Counselling, I often blend CBT with other approaches, especially Transactional Analysis (TA). Some people come wanting structure and practical tools while others want space to reflect and make sense of deeper patterns from the past.
Many want a mix of both, and that’s completely okay.
Therapy is always shaped around you — your pace, your needs, your goals.
Will CBT Work for Me?
CBT works well for many people. It’s especially useful if:
You often get stuck in thought spirals
You’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious
You want practical tools to feel more in control
You like the idea of short-term, focused therapy
But therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all and if you’ve tried CBT before and it didn’t click, it doesn’t mean you failed — it just might not have been the right fit or the right time.
Let’s Take the Next Step
If you’re feeling stuck in worry, low mood, or self-criticism — therapy can help.
I offer a free first session so we can talk through what’s been going on and see if CBT (or a blended approach) feels right for you.
